I’m going to interrupt the stream of beautifully lit photographs and share the only photo I have of my father and I together. Our story is messy. I did not meet, speak or even see a photo of my father until I was 17 or 18. My parents were never married and my mother only shared things that made me scared to even want to meet him. As I grew up, it became clear that I could not trust much of what my mother said (that’s another story) and when I left home at 16, I grew curious about my father. One of my favorite movies growing up was “To Kill a Mockingbird” and I longed for the kind of love Atticus had for Scout. I wanted to be loved in that same loving, steadfast and honest way that he loved her. My father was not capable of that kind of love. Most people aren’t, but I didn’t learn that until later in life. I have been thinking about what my Dad was able to give me and also how I wish things had been different for us. My Dad was funny, I mean really funny. We had the same of humor even though he didn’t raise me. He gave me strength. Sheer physical strength. While I’m not the skinniest person you will ever meet (😂), I can deadlift like a MF and I have always felt that I could lift the car up to save the baby if I needed to. I wish I had more time with him just so we could laugh together. I didn’t know how to meet people where they were at until now and he passed 10 years ago. This Father’s Day I’ll be thinking of him with love and a little sadness. And I’ll be grateful to all the Dads who do show up in countless ways every day. He wasn’t able to give me that Atticus love I always wanted or even the car he promised he would buy me but I’ll take the great muscle tone and all the memories of him making me laugh so hard and smile with gratitude.